WINNER WINNER WINNER!
BIG thanks to everyone for being patient with me while I was away from the computer and completely lagged at getting Flash Factory up last week!
Notes from Rebekah:
Kudos to the few but valiant who took on New York City for this challenge! I loved the vibrantly diverse directions you took the same starting words--your stories are as vibrant and diverse as the city itself. Which is saying a lot.
Since we had just three entries this week, I'm taking the liberty of titling and commenting on all of them (better to ask forgiveness than permission, right??).
Amanda Foody @AmandaFoody, Howard & the Apple. --I loved the delicious details (the mushy apple juice & cornbread line really killed me--I have eaten and HATE that apple!). I also really loved the layered tension between the two tales: Howard and his food vs Howard and office politics. This story was smartly designed and very nicely written.
Carrie-Anne @Anyechka, The Patriot. Any parent can appreciate a father's growling frustration at the bushel o' apples squabbling in the back seat on a road trip. This vet's patriotism as well as his, um, noteworthy productivity create a very funny and memorable contrast. The characters are well-drawn and the scene itself clever.
Lissa Jean @lissajean7, The Interrogation. My only complaint about this piece is its brevity: I want to know more about the prisoner and that world! The old trope about a toughened prisoner almost nonchalantly shrugging off an interrogator's best attempts gets a fresh and intelligent coat of paint in your tale, and the prisoner's weakening at the sight of an apple made me laugh out loud. You packed this scene with colorful characters, an intriguing world (what is a "sleep cycle" here? what sort of "patriotism" did the prisoner ascribe to?), and sharp dialogue, culminating overall in a fantastic story.... and one well-deserving of this week's win.
Congratulations, Lissa Jean!
Alissa's Winning Entry:
“So, you consider yourself a patriot, I assume?” The man paced back and forth in front of me asking questions, yet expecting no response.
Perhaps that was why I answered, “Of course.”
The pacing stopped. “Of course? Some would call you a traitor.”
“I know.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
I shrugged. What was the point of arguing? The man would only hear what he expected to hear. I wasn’t going to change any opinions today. That was coming.
“Do you know how dangerous that stunt you pulled was?” The man said it as though he assumed I had no idea what that bomb could do as well as no actual desire to cause harm. Like it was some game.
I shrugged again.
“If that area had been congested with people, you could have killed—“
“Oh, please! There’s no congestion during the sleep cycle!” Perhaps I hadn’t wanted to kill anyone, but I did intend the damage.
The interrogator lunged and stopped short of my nose by mere centimeters, “Who are you working for?”
Was that supposed to work? That intimidation thing? I shrugged again.
The interrogator pursed his lips and stood. “Fine.” He walked to the door and opened it. I thought he would leave me to stew, but instead he turned back into the room. He was holding an apple. An honest to God apple! Not that reconstituted mush they serve below in the grunt cafeteria, but a shiny, beautiful apple. My mouth filled with saliva and my stomach rumbled. “You hungry?” The interrogator said casually.
I swallowed and paused, gritted my teeth and shrugged.
Word Count: 269
Perhaps that was why I answered, “Of course.”
The pacing stopped. “Of course? Some would call you a traitor.”
“I know.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
I shrugged. What was the point of arguing? The man would only hear what he expected to hear. I wasn’t going to change any opinions today. That was coming.
“Do you know how dangerous that stunt you pulled was?” The man said it as though he assumed I had no idea what that bomb could do as well as no actual desire to cause harm. Like it was some game.
I shrugged again.
“If that area had been congested with people, you could have killed—“
“Oh, please! There’s no congestion during the sleep cycle!” Perhaps I hadn’t wanted to kill anyone, but I did intend the damage.
The interrogator lunged and stopped short of my nose by mere centimeters, “Who are you working for?”
Was that supposed to work? That intimidation thing? I shrugged again.
The interrogator pursed his lips and stood. “Fine.” He walked to the door and opened it. I thought he would leave me to stew, but instead he turned back into the room. He was holding an apple. An honest to God apple! Not that reconstituted mush they serve below in the grunt cafeteria, but a shiny, beautiful apple. My mouth filled with saliva and my stomach rumbled. “You hungry?” The interrogator said casually.
I swallowed and paused, gritted my teeth and shrugged.
Word Count: 269
Congratulations on THREE wins Alissa!
You'll get to pick the three word prompt for next week's challenge (or switch it up with a picture), AND be the judge! Don't worry - I won't make you answer more questions. ;-)
BIG thanks to this week's judge, Rebekah Postupak!!
Yay! Thanks for the great writing, everybody!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rebekah, for those kind words! Would you actually like me to answer those questions, or does the anticipation of what could be make it all the more sweet? :) I left a little mystery with the story, but I can answer that if you want...let's just say this is on a space colony, and leave it at that! :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats!
ReplyDeleteMy question is entirely sincere, Alissa! The story is tantalizingly sweet as is--but I would LOVE for you to tell me more. Post here or email me--I'll PM you my email address.
ReplyDelete