I like it! The only thing I would say is that I'm not sure what the stakes are. If you can include the stakes, I think this would be even stronger. Just my thoughts. :)
The first sentence is great. The second, works. But it's kind of implied by the first and doesn't add much. Not sure how much space (of the scant 140 characters) you have left, but something with more punch could be better. Overall, the pitch is good and could work as is. I hope this helps.
Agree with the above - make that 2nd sentence work for you. Hint of stakes, conflict, plot? Any of the above? But 140 characters is HARD, & I love the first sentence.
Thank you for your help, everyone! I think I've decided to go with these three options, and mix them up throughout the day:
17yo Holland has no memories of torching her ex's home or poisoning her BFF, but she can't deny it as she morphs into the Beast. #PitMad YA
17yo Holland doesn't recall torching her ex's home or poisoning her ex-BFF. But becoming a Beast from lore forces her to wonder. #PitMad YA
17yo Holland doesn't plan to torch her ex's home, poison her ex-BFF, or become the Beast from fairytales. But that's what happens #PitMad YA
As you can see, I've had a terrible time trying to get more stakes/plot into the Twitter pitch. If you have any suggestions on ways to do so, I'm all ears!
I like it! The only thing I would say is that I'm not sure what the stakes are. If you can include the stakes, I think this would be even stronger. Just my thoughts. :)
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence is great. The second, works. But it's kind of implied by the first and doesn't add much. Not sure how much space (of the scant 140 characters) you have left, but something with more punch could be better. Overall, the pitch is good and could work as is. I hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Eric. I was instantly intrigued - but the second sentence could work so much harder for you.
ReplyDeleteAgree with the above - make that 2nd sentence work for you. Hint of stakes, conflict, plot? Any of the above? But 140 characters is HARD, & I love the first sentence.
ReplyDeleteI agree. First sentence rocks. Instant hook. But what are the stakes? Good start and good luck.
ReplyDeleteAgree with the others! What is the core decision your MC must make? That should be your pitch. (I know, so easy right?)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your help, everyone! I think I've decided to go with these three options, and mix them up throughout the day:
ReplyDelete17yo Holland has no memories of torching her ex's home or poisoning her BFF, but she can't deny it as she morphs into the Beast. #PitMad YA
17yo Holland doesn't recall torching her ex's home or poisoning her ex-BFF. But becoming a Beast from lore forces her to wonder. #PitMad YA
17yo Holland doesn't plan to torch her ex's home, poison her ex-BFF, or become the Beast from fairytales. But that's what happens #PitMad YA
As you can see, I've had a terrible time trying to get more stakes/plot into the Twitter pitch. If you have any suggestions on ways to do so, I'm all ears!
WAIT! What about this!!??
ReplyDeleteTo prevent turning into the Beast of fairytale lore, 17yo Holland must fall in love. Too bad she's the school's outcast pyro. #PitMad YA
Jessa- I like that one! Seriously.
ReplyDelete