QUERY REJECTIONS: So you think you're the next J.K Rowling, do ya?

Well, you're not.

Or maybe you are.

But don't EVER assume so and then actually say that bit out loud or in an email.

Especially in response to a query rejection! EEEEEEEK!

So how do you respond to a query rejection? Well, it's completely up to you. Obviously.

There's a quote out there somewhere, and I'm going to butcher it, but here goes. It says something like, "You can't change other people, but you can change how you respond to them." You know, something like that.

So what does that mean?

Well, its easy really. You can't change the agent's mind, and that sucks. BUT you have FULL CONTROL over how you present yourself.

I hate my query.

I hated the draft before it. I hated the draft before that.

You can be pretty darn sure that I've hated every query I've come up with. No, seriously, I hate them all. I hate my synopsis too, but that's a discussion for a different day.

I especially hate the "personalized" query. Yikes. What a mess that was. But thanks to one agency or another, I read somewhere to "send us something funny, something personalized" ... Well, ok, I tried to oblige.

The only thing funny about THAT query is that I actually thought I'd get a response from it.

No. Seriously.

I recently received a rejection and out of morbid curiosity and utter masochism, I took a quick peek to see which query I'd originally sent to that agent.

*CRINGE*

Oh yippy. The personalized, witty query. *bangs head against wall*

I should have responded to that agent's rejection with a HUGE apology.

But I didn't. I responded with a THANK YOU.

What?

But Jessa, they rejected your query. They rejected your baby, your beautiful precious manuscript. How could you thank them for that?

Well that's easy enough. I thanked them because its the polite, human thing to do. (DUH.)

I thanked them because they took the time to look at my query, or at least open my email.

I thanked them and I appreciate them because they are part of the 45% that actually TAKE THE TIME to respond to email queries.

Now, forgive me for being a little miffed at this next part, but my goodness, some of you "I'm the next best so'n'so" people are crappy. I've come to find out that most agents who receive a response to a rejection email WON'T EVEN BOTHER OPENING IT.

WHAT? But how can that be? WHY wouldn't they open it? What if I had something awesome to say, like, I've included a free coupon for marshmallows for you???
Wouldn't you want to know about that coupon?

Apparently, there are some crazy-ass writers out there who respond with anger and hate. *scratches head in confusion*

Apparently there are some crazy-ass writers out there that rant about how amazing they are and how stupid that agent is.

"I'm the next Stephenie Meyer. J.K. Rowling. Stephen King. William freaking Shakespeare. Etc."

OH COME ON PEOPLE. THIS IS ME ROLLING MY EYES RIGHT NOW.

Maybe you are.

Maybe you aren't.

Either way, get over yourself! Yeah, yeah, you're amazing. Your mom says you are, and so do five of your friends. GUESS WHAT? Me too.

(But the difference is, I actually AM amazing.) I'm kidding. Sort of.

Seriously though, it's so perplexing to me!

So much so that I had to write this rambling blog post. Now, obviously, you can see that I'm a lackluster blogger by my sporadic and pointless blog posts over the years (2008 was my big year in blogging, and then my blog died a slow and painful death). I probably have 5 readers over on my personal blog, and most of those are my mom and my friends who already think I'm awesome.

BUT BUT BUT I'm hoping this blog post reaches ONE person before they send that negative, ridiculous email.


Seriously.

YOU.

Yes, you.

Stop.

Do not send that email.


Want to know why?

Well, aside from the fact that it's just rude, you need to look at the bigger picture.

WHAT IF ... no really, WHAT IF ... you need an agent down the road for your next manuscript? What if said manuscript is so incredibly different from this manuscript, and so much better (because it will be, as I'm sure we all get better with time, practice and experience) that you just know Agent #007 would LOVE it? What if Agent #007 would have been the most perfectest agent for you EVER, but you verbally berated him/her in an email because you have no self control?

Ruh roh.

Yeah.

Gee, Jessa, you sure make sense. Thank you for being so wise and awesome.

You're welcome. But really, I'm not. Well, awesome yes, but wise? Not really.

What I AM however, is polite. For the most part. Friendly? Yes, almost always.

I am trying to be especially polite and professional in an industry that I hope to one day be an active part of. It makes so much sense to me to live my daily life with class, and it should make sense to you too. But since it clearly does not make sense to ALL, you can consider this my PSA for the day.

Now, since I imagine that you've been unable to come up with anything nice to say on your own, and that clearly THAT is the ONLY possible reason you've been responding negatively to your rejection emails, I've prepared a little sample.

Feel free to use it. You're welcome.

Dear Agent,

Thank you for taking the time to send a response. I truly appreciate it.

Sincerely,
Author


There. Was that so freaking hard?

Have a great weekend. Read a book. Be awesome.

"Stay Classy San Diego." - Ron Burgundy